I asked the shop keeper, the shelf packer. I even attempted to ask customers, which gave my insanity a boost! I was sweating. It was just over a month now!
This ghost of my heart….
Eventually it came to a point where I thought if it’s meant to be, he’ll come back and I’ll see him again. But by the time I had started my “sleuthing” I had a prospect at a relationship. A decent guy. A working man. There could not be anything more in a man a woman would want. Except me…
I wanted my mystery man. And in the belief and absolute hope that this mystery man would find his path back to me I gave a skip to this kind gentleman. Yes, like an idiot, giving their pension fund to the “ponzy” scheme I lept and took a risk.
I could be alone my whole life or I could be happy (with a white picket fence) So gradually as the people in the town thought I had no marbles I stayed positive. I thanked karma everyday! How could I not…
As quick as the summer has smiled, so winter drew its white duvet upon the town. It glittered in all the snow. My summer dresses become pants, my sandals become boots.
And as the beautiful visitors to my garden went on hiatus, my mystery man was as glass is, transparent but there. As I got up everyday to work, he entered my mind like a good morning and as I climbed into bed with the heater on he said “Goodnight” as I drifted to dream land. But I stayed positive.
Busy,is what I tried to keep myself. I tried to always stay focused on doing something and I tried occasionally to put him as far out my mind as possible. But through the cracks he crept back.
The winter was one the worst. Frost kissed all my lovely flowers. But it was a sight to see the ice melt and say “hello” to my garden again.
I wasn’t born with green fingers, as people say, or a green thumb for that matter but I tried. I gave it one hundred percent. Then after some time my visitors appeared from their holiday. All with new editions! And I made sure extra bread and seeds were put out! And of course no sight of this man…
I started to ask my neighbours and friends about this man I had seen with no leads. I needed a “Watson” on this case!
Then I thought maybe this was okay. A man I felt I knew but never saw. All the while loving him and never being able to be with him. Then I thought “NO!”
The local businesses I stopped at while on walks to and from the grocery store, checking…looking…wishing…
I had been alone for so long. I had fallen in love before, but it never lasted longer than the “honeymoon” stage. Was I destined to be alone my whole life, was I destined to live this way forever?
It’s a terrible burden to never be able to tell someone how you feel about them. And turning to people doesn’t help. They don’t understand it. As much as they give you advice they never truly understand.
“Where are you, when I know you have been here all along?” I kept thinking.
As I sat reading a book, about being all positive and giving good energy out (you now those books) on a swing, a swing I had sat on quite happily for years, in a park I had visited for years, its leaves like a photo album… I had never sat being and feeling as confused as I did… I couldn’t read one sentence without trying to figure this story out. Everyday it lingered this love…
It grew…
As I sat there I heard the grass go from a quiet whisper in the wind to a movement of dance. Then a hand touched my shoulder. I turned around dropping my book. A man stood in front of me….
littlemisswednesday 