What’s done is done

It’s never good to end something, or anything for that matter. But when it happens, it brings relief and heartache at the same time. Although you may love the person, although you may undoubtedly want to have a future with that person, things never go the way you plan. And when times are tough love flies out the window. Some may say this isn’t true others say it is. It’s a bit of both. You can struggle with someone for a time but if they do not try just the same your love fades. And in my (recent) experience this hurts more than to lose someone. It hurts more to see that person not try, not stand up and even lift a finger.

Even when you look at that person and all the love swells in your heart and you smile, you still know in your mind, that he never tried. He wasn’t willing. And that let down is the worst feeling anyone can feel. Its ten times harder to accept the fate of a relationship when nothing was done to save it. All the photos, all the memories disappear when your heart sinks to the depths of sadness and that is all your left with. No maturity, no age, nothing is an excuse or case for one person not to try give their all in something two people believe so strongly in. Even when “your” song plays, it doesn’t resonate with you. You already know that it’s over.

I never thought that a normal good-hearted” person would be capable  of neglecting something he worked hard to build. Never in a million years did I set my self up to love to the fullest to be let down, to lose hope and faith in everything I placed so much care and joy into. And at the end of the day, I am surprised. I know that time heals all wounds. But what I don’t understand is where is the logic around “not doing anything” where is the logic in being “stupid” to the fact that something’s wrong.  I don’t know what else to call it but stupidity. How can someone be blind to the fact that there are problems and hurt feelings. I am of the female species, I can love to the fullest, I can grow more love as the relationship goes on, I give everything and strive only for the best. I can even bet my life upon it. Why? Because I know I can do it. But to have faith in someone who caused an explosion in my heart and then, only a year later, let it go and extinguished it and become a person I didn’t know? When I full “heartedly” believed solidly in him. I made the excuses, took the gambles, made the decisions and lived with the hurt. I sat making the plans. I sat budgeting for the both of us when he had no income. And still he said “don’t worry, we”ll be fine”.

I am not a person to give up. I push and try hard for the best. I never want to ever give up on something I believe in. It doesn’t help that the other party gives up, lets it snow ball down until it breaks into a million pieces and cannot be glued back together. And the only thing I can possibly do now is forget it. I can carry on living doing what ever it is I may want to do.

But the worst part is that, when you have lived together and shared a space together and then have to take everything back you put in causes the most fights, the most animosity. There is never an easy way to deal with someone when you have ended a relationship. It’s never easy to be civil to someone who has broken your heart, it is never easy to look at someone when you know what’s done is done. It’s never easy to move on. Crying can only help so much, getting depressed only makes it worse. But being able to pick the pieces up and carry on is hard but it makes you stronger. It shows you more about yourself than anything else in the world will…. Thats the positive aspect about break-ups. You learn more and more about yourself. You learn to look more closely..carefully.